


Not Even Boyfriends

by lotusk



Category: EXO (Band), Infinite (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, In-Laws, M/M, Secret Crush, appa!Myungsoo, chanyeol kinda mentioned?, fake dating well sort of, girl!Sungjong or should i say woman!sungjong nvm, girl!yixing, jongin cameo, miyazaki references, myungsoo being presh, or should I say attempt at lame humor, side baeksoo, side myungsoo/fem sungjong, suchen being dumb, suchen being dumb or did i mention that already otl, suchen being idiots, suchen being out of control ATLA fanboys, this is soooo cheesy I can't apologize enough, totoro cream puffs because why not?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6142561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotusk/pseuds/lotusk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not quite fake dating au where Jongdae bumps into his ex and Joonmyun decides to be his knight in not-so-shining armor</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Even Boyfriends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amaxingbaek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaxingbaek/gifts).



> Happy Belated Birthday, Michelle! This is my first ever suchen fic and I hope you like it at least a little!
> 
> Also, if you're curious to know what the Totoro cream puffs mentioned in the fic look like, click [this](http://littlemissbento.com/2014/12/shirohige-totoro-cream-puff/)

“ANYMORE? What do you mean no one has time for waterbenders anymore?” Joonmyun’s voice went just a notch louder than conversationally acceptable levels. Jongdae loved getting Joonmyun all riled up and he’d known him long enough that he knew all the right buttons to press.

“ _Everyone_ knows firebenders are superior,” Jongdae snorted. “They're fast and powerful and—”

“Please. The entire universe knows that waterbenders are the supreme ones. Subtle and strong, and besides, water puts out fire anyway,” Joonmyun eyed him in a positively sinister way. 

“Well fire makes water evaporate so you wouldn't even get that far,” Jongdae sneered. 

“I don't know what _subtle_ or _evaporate_ mean and I don't even care because EARTHBENDERS RULE, okay?” Yixing declared ferociously, tiny arms crossed over tiny chest. “Are you listening Uncle Joonmyun? Uncle Jongdae? Toph is way cooler than Zuko and Katara, okay?”

She was glaring at them. Like hardcore. Jongdae sneaked a look at Joonmyun’s face, and saw a bizarre mixture of sheepish and defiant. He had no doubts at all that he was wearing an identical expression. Yixing always managed to reduce them into indignant blobs of jello. Jello because no matter how much the two men tried to hold their ground, the little girl won almost every single skirmish. It was infuriating.

Jongdae was in the midst of formulating an argument in his head about how Zuko could scorch Katara and Toph’s asses when a man in a yellow apron appeared in the doorway. Dimples showing, Joonmyun's handsome older brother was not even trying to hide how amused he was by the whole situation.

“Your child is bullying us, Kim Myungsoo!” Jongdae complained, pointing at the recalcitrant eight year-old.

“Hyung, you need to explain to her that waterbenders are the only choice,” Joonmyun appealed to his older brother.

“I have no sympathy for either of you,” Myungsoo snorted as he untied the cheerful, primrose yellow apron he was wearing. He had been doing the dishes—in his wife's apron apparently. “The two of you started this idiocy when you introduced her to ATLA. You know, it _is in fact possible_ to watch the series without getting crazy competitive. I’ve been doing it for more than a decade. What happened with you two? How old are you now? Thirty? You've been fighting this ridiculous battle for ten years, and now you've passed this disease on to your innocent niece!” 

“It's her own fault for not liking firebenders the most,” Jongdae grumbled.

“Who is the child here? Or should I say _children_?” Myungsoo asked as he gave both men a very pointed look.

“HYUNG!” The two men protested in loud, aggrieved voices. 

“I rest my case,” he said as he picked Yixing up. Grinning affectionately at his daughter, Myungsoo kissed her cheek and she giggled, flinging her little arms around his neck. “Time for bed, Xing.” 

“But uncles are still here,” she protested.

“They’re just leaving. They have to work tomorrow, too, you know? And _you_? You have school. Let's get you washed up and ready for bed,” Myungsoo told her gently but firmly as he let her down. She was getting too heavy now to carry for longer than a couple of minutes at a time.

“But Appaaaaa,” Yixing stuck out a quivering bottom lip.

“Nope, that pout won’t work on me. Your appa has seen it all. Say goodnight to your uncles.”

“Goodnight, Uncle Jongdae. Goodnight, Uncle Joonmyun,” Yixing said as she gave them slightly grumpy farewells and hugs.

“‘Night, kiddo,” the two men chorused as she took her father’s hand. Just as father and daughter were about to head for the stairs, an attractive woman began walking down them. With long wavy hair freshly washed, dried, and cascading halfway down her back, Sungjong was simply ethereal. She didn’t look a day older than twenty-five. Jongdae always found it hard to believe his noona had turned thirty-two this year—even though he’d known her since he was in diapers and had no reason not to believe it. 

Sungjong gave Yixing a warm hug, and assured her that she’d be back upstairs for story time just as soon as she’d let her two uncles out. 

“Bye, uncles!” Yixing yelled as she ascended the stairs with her father.

“It's not that I want to chase you off, boys, but. . .I'm chasing you off. I've got an early morning deposition to prep for and Myungsoo brought some work home too.”

“But it’s cold outside,” Jongdae grumbled.

“There is such a thing as body heat,” Sungjong pointed out reasonably. “You can always cuddle up to Joonmyun if your nuts are in danger of falling off.”

“I’m not a human space heater,” Joonmyun muttered darkly.

“NOONA!” Now Jongdae was yelling—not that it fazed his sister at all. 

“Why are you shouting? It’s common sense. Anyway, you’re both missing the point. Time to get your coats and go do whatever it is thirty year-old bachelors do to have fun on weeknights.” Sungjong steered them towards the front door before opening the hall closet door so she could hand them their parkas.

“Thanks for dinner, noona,” Joonmyun said as he stuck his arm in one sleeve. “Even if you _are_ throwing us out now,” he finished with a chuckle.

“It’s for your own good! It’s only 9pm—go have fun! Pick up some girls or boys or. . .maybe each other?” Sungjong suggested it in the most casual way, like she was asking them to pick out their favorite doughnuts.

“Are you serious?” Jongdae gave her a look of horror. “Why would we?”

“Why not? Stranger things have happened. You’ve known each other forever. You never thought about. . .y’know, going out on a date?” She shrugged her shoulders.

“We _did_. Once. Maybe 7 years ago? It was a disaster and we swore never to speak of it again,” Joonmyun deadpanned.

Sungjong snorted. “It was probably a disaster because you brought up _The Avatar_ , you dumbasses. You get along just fine when you don’t get all stupid about your bender wars.” 

“There you have it! Irreconcilable differences. Precisely why Joonmyun and I could never date,” Jongdae said firmly. 

“Exactly,” Joonmyun nodded in quiet agreement.

“If you say so.” Sungjong sounded skeptical but she was leaving it for now. Then she was giving them quick hugs and pushing them out the door of her cosy townhouse. A chorus of goodnights and a closed door later, Jongdae and Joonmyun found themselves walking along a busy sidewalk. It was, as Sungjong had pointed out, only 9pm, and lots of people were still out and about. 

By default, they were headed in the general direction of the subway station. It was about ten minutes’ walk away and they had to take the same train home, with Jongdae getting off two stops before Joonmyun. Their feet were taking them to the station and the night air was chilly, but Jongdae wasn’t quite ready to go home yet. 

“It’s still early,” Jongdae said as he shoved his hands in his jacket pockets.

“I guess?” Joonmyun gave him a quizzical look. 

“Let’s make a pact.”

“Why? And what the hell for?” Joonmyun asked suspiciously.

“ATLA is a no-go zone tonight. We will talk about _anything_ but ATLA. What do you think?”

“Honestly, we should just make ATLA a no-go zone forever,” Joonmyun laughed. “I think Sungjong noona and hyung might throttle us if we drag Yixing further into the abyss.”

Jongdae gave a long-suffering sigh. “I suppose we could afford to grow up a little.”

“Yeahhh. . .but growing up sucks,” Joonmyun said with a grimace. “So. . .are we heading home or are we finding something fun to do?” He pulled his grey beanie down, covering his ears completely. Jongdae liked the way Joonmyun looked in beanies. Jongdae even liked the way Joonmyun looked in those godawful grandpa sweaters his mom insisted on knitting for him. He wore them to make her happy, he’d told Jongdae once, so he only wore the hideous things for family gatherings. He was thankfully NOT wearing one of his mom’s sweaters tonight. Jongdae liked the way Joonmyun looked in his white hoodie and faded blue jeans. 

If Jongdae were honest with himself, he just liked the way Joonmyun looked, period. But that was something Joonmyun never needed to know.

“Remember that Miyazaki-themed cafe we took Yixing to a few months back? I heard they’ve started selling Totoro cream puffs and I’m kinda curious.” Jongdae had barely got the words out before he was blowing on his hands to keep them warm. He should have brought his damned mittens. 

“Cream puffs, huh? I don’t really have a sweet tooth but I could definitely do with some coffee and a warm place to sit. And I’m always up for anything Miyazaki.” Joonmyun’s smile appeared without warning, the laugh lines crinkling the skin around his eyes in the most attractive way, and Jongdae’s chest fluttered. . .annoyingly. Really. it was all his noona’s fault for suggesting that they should date. It was making him even more hyperaware of Joonmyun than he already was, or rather _had been_ , for coming to two years now. It was the most inconvenient and infuriating crush that refused to go away. It clung stubbornly to him no matter how much Jongdae tried to stamp it out by provoking Joonmyun’s temper with all his waterbender-baiting.

Jongdae’s head told him to say that he’d changed his mind and they should go home after all. His heart would be a lot safer when he was safely ensconced in his own apartment, and Joonmyun in his, two train-stops away. Yes, he should totally suggest that they head straight for the subway—

But instead, Jongdae said, “I wonder if they’ll have any soot sprite cookies.”

✹✹✹

Warm and cosy and quaint, _The Moving Castle_ was the perfect refuge from the cold and Jongdae gave a contented sigh as he thawed his hands on a Calcifer-shaped mug. The hot chocolate looked rich and inviting—steam curling up from the lip of the scarlet and orange ceramic. Jongdae could almost imagine Calcifer heating up his hands _and_ his drink—it was silly and whimsical and all kinds of wonderful. They just needed to put soot sprite cookies on the menu and everything would be perfect.

Across the table from him, Joonmyun was holding his gray and white Totoro-shaped mug, and sipping on his grown-up black coffee. On a plate, in the center of the polished oak table, lay half a Totoro cream puff. Jongdae had polished off one puff and watched as Joonmyun made a face. _Ack, way too sweet!_ , Joonmyun had declared, putting the unfinished portion back on the dish and asking Jongdae to have it.

“No way! I’d be high from all that sugar,” Jongdae chuckled, incredulous.

“Imagine me, high on caffeine and sugar at 3am! Just eat the damned thing. It’s not like you don’t want it.” Of course, they’d been friends, slash, antagonists long enough for Joonmyun to know that Jongdae couldn’t resist desserts of any kind. And _of course_ Joonmyun knew that he had a fatal weakness for cream puffs—Totoro, or not Totoro. 

Joonmyun looked just a little bit smug as he watched Jongdae reach for the puff. Sometimes it really sucked that they knew so much about it each other, Jongdae thought, scowling as he took a mouthful of puff and Totoro’s left ear and eye. Everything dissolved in his mouth in delicious, gooey bliss and Jongdae knew he would definitely be bringing Yixing back here for some of this yummy goodness.

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t have to finish that. Thanks for rescuing me.” Joonmyun smiled as his fingers wrapped around his coffee cup—his eyes warm and well, beautiful. Joonmyun’s eyes always looked perfectly normal until he smiled at you. Like really smiled at you. When Joonmyun directed that smile at Jongdae, he could feel himself unraveling and he had to work hard to keep himself together. Keeping Joonmyun yelling about the merits of waterbenders was one of the most effective survival techniques Jongdae had in his arsenal and he clung to it like a leaky lifeboat. Why the hell had he suggested an ALTA-free night. He had to start insulting waterbenders like right aw—

"Kim Jongdae?" Coming from behind him was a familiar voice. One he hadn't heard in three years. Had it really been that long? He'd seen the face around, but always at a distance. They hadn't spoken since. . .well, they just hadn't spoken.

"Baekhyun, how are you?" Jongdae asked with the kind of smile he used to greet difficult clients. The kind that hovered at the edges of your eyes.

"I've been good! Busy. And you?" Baekhyun was just as attractive as he'd been back then—possibly more attractive, even. He wore his hair longer now, with chestnut bangs that poked at his eyes. And for a brief, spiteful moment, Jongdae wished Baekhyun's hair had gotten thinner on top. But it was just a moment. Jongdae wasn't really that vindictive. Well _not really_ , anyway.

"Same. Good. Busy," he replied in the most neutral tone he could manage. 

"I'm glad," Baekhyun smiled and to Jongdae's surprise, it was a more genuine smile than the one he had given him. An intense looking man with penetrating eyes and a serious expression suddenly showed up behind Baekhyun. "This is my boyfriend, Kyungsoo," Baekhyun introduced the man and Jongdae began to feel like he was about to be trapped in some high school drama.

"Hello," Jongdae said with a wary smile. "I'm Jongdae."

"Hi, I'm Kyungsoo," Kyungsoo said with a curious look in his eyes. He offered his hand and Jongdae took it. He had a firm handshake. Much firmer than Baekhyun's or his own for that matter.

"And you're the. . . _brother-in-law_ , aren't you? Joonmyun?" Baekhyun probed.

"Well, yes. But I'm also. . . _the boyfriend_." Joonmyun said the words so casually Jongdae wanted to strangle him. What was he trying to do? Why was he lying?

"Pardon?" Baekhyun didn't even try to hide the look of surprise.

" _Boy-friend_ , as in boy who is more than a friend?" Joonmyun quipped.

"Ah. I never expected the two of you to hook up. I mean the way you guys used to fight over ATLA—" Baekhyun let his words trail off.

"Our own unique take on flirting," Joonmyun explained with a quirky smile, making it sound like it made all the sense in the world when it was the biggest piece of BS Jongdae had ever heard in his life.

"It sounded more like out-and-out warfare but if you say so." Baekhyun eyed them both skeptically.

Before anyone else could respond, there was the sound of a throat being cleared. "We should probably grab that table before someone else does," Kyungsoo suggested to Baekhyun. He'd probably had enough of all this awkwardness, and Jongdae couldn't say he blamed him.

"We'll be going then," Baekhyun said reluctantly. He'd always liked getting to the bottom of things. _He's a nosey parker,_ Sungjong noona used to say. She'd never liked him. It was just as well they'd only dated for a few months before deciding to go their separate ways. No fights, no tears—just not a whole lot in common, not a whole lot to talk about and not a whole lot of chemistry. If the relationship had lingered, Jondgae wouldn't have put it past his noona to nudge him to the exit.

"Nice seeing you again, Baekhyun. And nice meeting you, Kyungsoo," Joonmyun said amiably—shaking Kyungsoo's hand if not Baekhyun's. What was up with that?

Jongdae sighed with relief as the two men moved to a corner table on the opposite end of the café.

"You had custard on the corner of your mouth when you were talking to your ex. I can't believe you, Kim Jongdae," Joonmyun chided, mild amusement in his voice.

"You're joking!" Jongdae groaned.

"I wish I were." And then Jongdae's cheeks grew hot as Joonmyun's index finger brushed his skin. Startled, he looked up and saw. . .something in Joonmyun's eyes that he hadn't seen before. Something intense and nothing at all like the usual amusement or annoyance. And somewhere in the periphery, Baekhyun was watching them, an expression of clear shock on his face.

"Joonmyun, what are you—" 

"There, that's all the cream gone. I was going to lick it off my finger but that might be just a bit too obvious. And also there's too much sugar in this shit."

"What are you saying?!" Jongdae's voice was a little louder than he intended and Joonmyun held his finger to his own lips.

"Shhh. Not so loud or your ex will think we're having a fight. Possibly over _him_. Unacceptable."

"What's your beef with him anyway? I didn't know you disliked him. You never said a thing when we were dating. Or after we split for that matter. What even, Kim Joonmyun?"

"He low key came on to one of my friends in some bookstore. You guys were still dating then. I was in the next aisle so he never knew I was there."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jongdae asked angrily, feeling a little betrayed that Joonmyun had kept this from him.

"I was going to. I was trying to find the right time to do it, but then my hyung told me you guys had broken up and it seemed kinda pointless to bring it up. If you'd been cut up about it, I might have said something but you were. . .I don't know, normal? Like the break up didn't bother you at all."

"Well, we'd been drifting apart for weeks and it's not like we'd ever really been on fire or anything—even at the start. I guess we kinda fell out of the relationship just as easily as we fell into it. No sparks. I don't know how else to describe it," Jongdae mused as he drank the last bit of his hot chocolate, which wasn't all that hot anymore.

"Well, that makes me feel a lot better, not gonna lie."

"Which friend was it? Am I allowed to ask?"

"You remember Chanyeol? Tall guy? Loud baritone voice? My friend from work?"

"Vaguely." Jongdae had a mental image of a guy with big ears and dimples and generous laugh. A nice guy. "Did he and Baekhyun, you know. . .?"

"Well I told him Baekhyun was dating my brother-in-law and he was like yeah, okay, nope, forget that." Joonmyun was watching him carefully. "Are you really okay, Jongdae?"

"You know what? I really am." And then it finally began to dawn on Jongdae what Joonmyun had been doing earlier on with Baekhyun. "So, is that why you're pretending to be my boyfriend? You're reclaiming my honour or something dumb like that?"

"Maybe? Or maybe not," he chuckled. his eyes giving nothing away. "Anyway, I'm out of coffee and you're out of hot chocolate and I don't really want Byun Baekhyun drilling any more holes in the back of my head with his eyes. The force of his glares. . .I swear I can already feel a migraine coming on, so let me just get the cheque."

"I'll get it! Or we can split," Jongdae grinned for the first time since Baekhyun had entered the café. He wasn't even hung up on his ex because heaven knew he'd had a very healthy crush on Joonmyun for the past two years anyway. So why had he been so tense? (Probably because Joonmyun had never shown any signs of noticing his crush or returning it. Sigh.)

"Noooo, I am paying for your damned Totoro cream puffs," Joonmyun said as he took out his wallet and passed the required amount of cash to the waiter—a tall, tanned boy with broad shoulders and an affable smile. "Let's go," Joonmyun said as he pushed back his chair and stood up. Slowly, he put on his navy parka and watched as Jongdae put his olive green one on.

"I should thank you for the hot chocolate and the puffs and—" Jongdae began, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "Thank you Joonmyun. . .for everything else."

"Just take my hand," he said as he offered his own. Jongdae hesitated for a few seconds before slipping his hand into Joonmyun's waiting one. His fingers slip into the spaces between and then Joonmyun's fingers settle over his knuckles. His hand was still warm from the Totoro mug and Jongdae clung to the warmth. "Turn and wave. And try to be natural. You don't want your ex to see your best deer caught in the headlights impression, okay?" 

"Wow. You can dial down the sarcasm by about two hundred percent, thank you very much!"

"Where would the fun be in that?" Joonmyun chuckled before nudging him. Giving a long suffering sigh, Jongdae turned in tandem with him. They nodded and directed polite smiles at Baekhyun and Kyungsoo before heading for the door. Kyungsoo's smile had been congenial enough but Baekhyun's had looked a little forced. Jongdae couldn't help feeling a huge twinge of satisfaction from that.

"Well thank God, that ordeal is over!" Jongdae said, almost triumphantly, as they stepped out into the wintry night. The cold nipped at Jongdae's face and cheeks and left hand. His right hand was still tucked into Joonmyun's, secure and warm in its grip. Jongdae was reluctant to let go of Joonmyun's hand but they were fifty feet from the café entrance. There was no way Baekhyun could still see them so really; there was no excuse to hang on. With a little pang in his chest, Jongdae bumped Joonmyun's shoulder with his own. "You can stop now. I mean—we can stop holding hands now."

"You know what? I don't want to stop," Joonmyun said as he held his hand tighter still. 

"But we don't need to anymore. Baekhyun can't see us at all now," Jongdae pointed out.

"I know."

"But we're not even boyfriends?"

"We could be though." Why did Joonmyun sound so calm when Jongdae's heart was trying to thump its way out of his chest?

"Don't joke about things like that."

"I'm not joking." Joonmyun stopped walking and pulls Jongdae to the side, out of the path of other pedestrians. "I may joke about a lot of things, Jongdae, but I'm being serious now. Would you be—would you want to be boyfriends? With me?"

"That depends. If this is a spur of the moment thing then no, I do not want to be boyfriends," he said firmly.

"It's more of a three year thing so no, Jongdae, it's _not_ a spur of the moment thing." And this time, Joonmyun takes his other hand too.

"This is really happening." Jongdae couldn't keep the awe out of his voice, and the only thing stopping his hands from trembling was Joonmyun's sure, warm grip on them. 

"Yeah, I guess it is," Joonmyun smiled as he took a few steps forward, closing the gap between them. 

"Are you going to be totally cheesy and kiss me on a sidewalk?" Jongdae found the idea both embarrassing and romantic and truth be told, he wasn't sure what he wanted.

"I wonder what happens when a waterbender kisses a firebender?" Joonmyun's hands cradled his jaw and Jongdae can't quite breathe. "Will my kiss put out your firebending powers or will your kiss make my waterbending abilities evaporate?"

"You're full of shit, you know that?" Jongdae chuckled, his nervousness dissolving with his laughter. And then Joonmyun was laughing too, their foreheads touching and fingers entangled.

"Well, there's some truth to that," Joonmyun said softly just before he angled his head and moved right into Jongdae's personal space. "Waterbenders for the win," Joonmyun whispered just before his mouth slid over Jongdae's in a kiss that was tender, quiet, exploratory.

"You mean firebenders 5ever," Jongdae subjected Joonmyun to one last shot of sass before slipping his arms around his waist and kissing him back.

_A/N: Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are very much loved ^^_


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